Life is a difficult thing to figure out sometimes. I have so many questions and fears. I never really pictured my life where it is right now. When I was younger, I thought I would have children, a husband, a career. I guess I pictured a perfect life. Man, did reality slap me in the face. I don’t have any of these things. Is it my fault? Where did I go wrong? I guess I just assumed that that it just naturally happens if you follow a certain path in life. Throwing my finger up to paths! I’m a little lost today. I’m sure I will feel better soon, but I get these downward spirals that just have me thinking about where I wanted my life to be….and where it is. Then I think about my mom, who had such a short life. Who am I to complain?! I’m alive. I have the opportunity to change my life if I want it bad enough right? Is that it? I don’t want it bad enough? So many jumbled thoughts going through my head. I get sad, then I get mad that I’m sad. I’m envious of people who got it all together.. But then again…envy is a sin. My head is going to explode. My heart might explode too.