Life is a difficult thing to figure out sometimes. I have so many questions and fears.  I never really pictured my life where it is right now.  When I was younger, I thought I would have children, a husband, a career. I guess I pictured a perfect life.  Man, did reality slap me in the face.  I don’t have any of these things.  Is it my fault? Where did I go wrong?  I guess I just assumed that that it just naturally happens if you follow a certain path in life.  Throwing my finger up to paths!  I’m a little lost today.  I’m sure I will feel better soon, but I get these downward spirals that just have me thinking about where I wanted my life to be….and where it is.  Then I think about my mom, who had such a short life.  Who am I to complain?! I’m alive.  I have the opportunity to change my life if I want it bad enough right?  Is that it?  I don’t want it bad enough? So many jumbled thoughts going through my head.  I get sad, then I get mad that I’m sad.  I’m envious of people who got it all together..  But then again…envy is a sin.  My head is going to explode.  My heart might explode too.