I recently posted on Facebook that I kinda miss my 24 year old self. It’s true. I miss that girl. She had so many dreams and was fearless about what was to come. At 24, I made the decision to leave home and drive 800+ miles to live in Georgia. I had such plans. I was going to become successful! Now, I did not have those dreams of singing, acting, etc. I just wanted to become this great business woman that would provide me with the ability to take care of my mother. That was my dream. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Thinking back to it now, I realize why it did not happen. I did not have a plan. I had no clue what I wanted to do. All I knew when I got here is that I needed a job to be able to pay bills and keep food on my table. Not a bad goal. After all, my mother didn’t raise someone show shirks responsibility. I had to be level headed and needed to know how I was going to make it in this big city.
Unfortunately, due to that feeling of being responsible, I got caught up on the normality of a decent paying job and lost sight of my real goal that caused me to leave Wisconsin. So, now I am asking myself “what happened to that 24 year old girl?” I need to get a hold of her again and we need to talk so that we can get back on track with our dreams.
How does a person go about making a life change? Let me do a quick flashback..
I remember a conversation that I had with my mother a long time ago. She was possibly the same age that I am not or a little older. She was telling me how she was frustrated and wished that she could do something different with her life. She was speaking about a new career. Now, my mother had a city job for as long as I could remember but she felt….unaccomplished? Or bored? I don’t know. I remember my response to her, “Well, why don’t you get a new job?” Now I think…oh from the mouths of babes. 🙂
Now I’m at the age that she was and seemingly at a similar crossroad. I realize now why she was so scared to make a change. She had a good job, she could provide for her family, and she knew what to expect every day. It is so stressful to make a life change when there are responsibilities involved. Now, I admit, my decision is a little easier for me since I don’t have children but still….changing a career or making a big move is hard. My biggest and toughest decision so far was going back to school! But anyway, I think about this story a lot because at the time, I didn’t understand. I had so many jobs by the time I was 23, that I just thought if you were tired of something, you just changed it. But I had my mom to rely on. If something didn’t work out for me, I could just go home.
Well, my mom passed away almost 10 years ago now, so making these decisions are so much harder. I can’t go home anymore. I have to live with the decisions that I make and hope for the best. I am continually questioning myself on everything. I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. How do I go about making a plan? What do I really want to do with the rest of my life? Am I having a mid-life crisis?
So here I am, on the road to some big life changes. It feels as if I’m just rolling with the punches and I had hoped I would not be doing that. I’m trying to be confident in my decisions, but I’m telling you….fear is getting the best of me. BUT….I’m still trotting on. I’m trying to face those negative and scary thoughts and just keep my goal in mind. I saw a glimpse of my dream last weekend. It was a beautiful boutique that I go in frequently, but is nearly exactly what I want. I hope I make it there.