Friendship and Mental Health

Wow!  I have taken such a long break from my blog, but it’s been a crazy and hectic new year so far.  Things have finally quieted down a little and this felt like the perfect moment to do an update.  My life was thrown a pretty big curve ball in January.

If I thought the stress of last summer was getting to me, it was nothing compared to the beginning of this year.  Long story short…my best friend and roommate, the person a consider my sister…attempted suicide.  Depression is a serious thing!  I’ve always known that, but until you have to deal with something like this, you will never know how bad it can be.

I knew she was “a little down” during the holidays.  I put this in parenthesis because it was so much more serious than that.  She had talked to me a little about it and I would try my best to give her encouraging words.  Obviously it didn’t help.  When a person has it in their head that all is lost, there’s not much you can do to defeat the negativity.  Of course, I didn’t know how severe the situation was until January 2nd when the attempt was made.  I thank God everyday that she was unsuccessful and that she came to her right mind to call someone for help!  I don’t really want to go into details, but I’m so happy that she failed in each attempt.

At the time, the house was getting a little overhaul with paint so my mind was also preoccupied with other things.  But all in all, I feel that I missed the signs.  I should have asked more questions and checked in on her more regularly, but we are not your typical roommates.  We don’t spend every day today and sometimes can go days without seeing or speaking.  That was normal.  We both like our space.  So, the only thing that seemed out of the ordinary was how quiet she seemed.  Normally, I could hear her television or music going in her room, but that month of December, it was just quiet.  She just generally seemed disengaged.  Also, she had stopped answering people’s calls.  This isn’t really abnormal for her as she isn’t super attached to her phone, but we were planning a trip for Christmas and the day before…she just wouldn’t answer anyone’s call.  I started asking if she was okay and if she needed anything and she would just say that she was sick.  She had been having stomach issues.  She also said she had the chills or flu like symptoms, which in hindsight I believe the negative thinking and depression had started to produce physical ailments.  I’ve learned so much about depression in these last months and we’ve had to change up a few of our norms.

Now, I have to constantly check in with her.  She was hospitalized for two weeks and now have a therapist and psychiatrist.  I have to check her medications. I’ve tried to incorporate at least one night a week where we can sit down at the dinner table and eat and just generally catch up with things.  I am trying not to be to intrusive and still allow her space…because she has insinuated her need for that BUT I also realize that I can’t give her the space that I once did.  Since I am the person that is around her the most, I feel the most responsible for making sure that she is keeping up with her mental health and utilizing all of the coping mechanisms that she has been taught. It’s still a little stressful because this is a big change.

All I really want to say to everyone who may be dealing with something like this is to be aware.  If your loved one is acting differently and just don’t seem to be engaged in communicating with your or just in life in general.  Ask Questions!  Keep Asking Questions!  Keep checking on them even if it seems over the top.  Get them help even when they tell you they don’t want it.  Take them to the ER even though they may not want to go.  Call for help.  That’s all.

Til next time…….

Today is the day to vote!

There are two things that I took from my 9th grade Civics class.  I know that was forever ago, but that just tells you that I learned something

Thing number one is a quote that was posted up on his black board with is:  A person that thinks by the inch and talks by the yard should be kicked by the foot.    This has followed me for many years and have given me pause before to think before speaking.  So far..it’s worked for me.

Thing number two is the importance of exercising my right to vote.  I have voted in almost every election since I turned 18.  I want my voice to be heard even though sometimes I think it isn’t.  It’s important.  People died for that right!  I won’t squander it even when things are looking bleak.  I will still let my opinion know.  I hope that you will too.

Talk to you all soon….

What a summer

Whew!  What a summer I’ve had.  It was full of stress and eventually peace of mind.  One of the big things that I did was finally sell my mother’s house.

I realize that I have been holding on to my mother’s house because it was one of the last remaining things that I could physically see and touch.  I struggled with the decision because of that but in the end…I couldn’t afford to keep it.  Not only that, but when I finally went back this summer, it just did not feel like hers anymore.  The place needed a lot of work and when I walked in, I just couldn’t feel her presence there anymore. I know that is a weird thing to say, but it’s true. I knew almost instantly that I was ready to let go.  So, it is done and I am at peace with the decision.

Also, I had not been getting my hair relaxed for the last two years.  In my heart, I knew I didn’t really love that decision but I decided to give it a try.  Well, my hair had been doing somewhat ok, but this summer it went crazy.  It started falling out non-stop.  Nothing I did was saving it or making it better.  It was just hard to manage and take care of.  Somedays, there were tears shed at the thought of having to even do it. I finally made the decision with the help of my hairdresser to put my relaxer back in and I felt so good after it was done!  I felt like myself again.

So between selling my house and getting my hair situation, all is so much better than when July first hit.  I’m ready for the holiday season!

Til next time….

A week of dresses

I rarely wear dresses even though I own quite a few.  While rummaging through my closet recently thinking about what I needed to get rid off, I came across my dresses all grouped together in the back.  I decided that if I wanted to keep them, I have to wear them at least once this year.  So, I chose to wear a dress each day to work for a week and this was the outcome.  All of these dresses are from Lane Bryant a few years ago except the peachy foral one. That came from Charlotte Russe when they first launched their plus sized range. I love all of these dresses.

Enjoy!

National Lipstick Day 2018

Every year I try not to miss posting on this day because I love lipstick and gloss.  I may not wear it everyday, but I love having all of the options.  I tend to gear more towards natural looking looks, but also love purples and red’s.  I have two really great lipsticks that are in regular rotation.  The first, which I am wearing in the photo,  is Urban Decay’s Sheer Rapture lipstick Rouge A Levres.  The second is Chanel Rouge Coco Shine 46 Liberte.   Both are super similar in color in their pinky brown shade.

Talk to you all soon~

Loving the stripes

Here are a few outfits that I have worn in the past weeks.  I have always loved stripes, but I’m having an even greater love for them right now.  As a matter of fact, I’m wearing stripes right now.

Outfit #1, top from Divas & Dames, pants from Lane Bryant (linked below), shoes are from Belk

https://www.lanebryant.com/allie-smart-stretch-crop/prd-348585#color/0000007780

Outfit #2, Top and jeans from Lane Bryant (linked below), shoes from jane.com

https://www.lanebryant.com/bell-sleeve-off-the-shoulder-top/prd-348422#color/0000007904

Outfit #3, Top from Old Navy (linked below), pants from Lane Bryant (same style as the striped ones above) and shoes from Target.

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1105376&pcid=7240&vid=8&pid=282998002

 

Til next time……

 

There will be better days

****Random Thoughts****

After my mother passed away in 2004, I was so down that I just felt numb.  I remember thinking at that time that I no longer cared what happened to me.  My exact thoughts were “I could die tomorrow and I wouldn’t care.”  I was numb to everything.  It felt as if I were in a black hole and everything just was constantly swirling.  My mind was swirling, my body even felt like it was moving in circles when I would lay down.

I had issues with feeling depressed before my mother passed away.  I had even been temporarily put on medication.  The reasons for my issues were always that I just didn’t feel happy.

About a month after I was put on anti-depressants, I went home to my mom and she asked why I was depressed.  At the time, I probably told her that I didn’t know.  I knew why I was.  It’s the reason that I feel a lot of people are.  Failure.  I preface this next information with I knew my mother was very sick and I knew that my mother was going to pass away at some point sooner than later.  After I told my mother about the antidepressants,  my mother looked me in the eye and said “Sharon, I have a terminal illness.  I’m going to die.  I’m on anti-depressants. ”  This was her way of pretty much telling me that I should not feel bad about my life.  I’m sure she said more, but this was the main part that I remembered.

My point in writing this down is pretty much to remind myself that there will be better days.  I have a lifetime ahead of me (hopefully).  I have time to change the things that I’m not happy with and I just have to stay patient and keep powering through.

I’m not on medication.  I still have down days and times where I just feel worthless and as if nothing will ever go my way.  When I’m feeling like this, I always think of my mom and her words to me.  So I take a break, gather my thoughts, take a deep breath and prepare for tomorrow.

Til next time…….