Feelings

When I was around 7 years old, this curly haired dude with a limp came into my life. In the summer, we had our morning trips to his cousins tavern, which was closed during the day, so he could either work or shoot the shit. Not sure which, but I was given quarters to play in the little arcade that was in there until it was time for us to go so I didn’t care. My mom, him and I took drives in a big old, green Lincoln to do weekly shops and stuff. He was into his cars. In fact..I got yelled at all the time when I would drive up home and my car would be the dirtiest thing ever. He was the closest thing to a father that I had since my biological father was never there. Even though we had our ups and downs, he still remained in my life after my mom and his relationship ended. (I question whether it REALLY ended most of the time. lol)  He still kept up with me and called me on my birthday each year just to stay in touch.  In a way, I took that for granted.  I never thought he truly cared until recently when I was one of the first calls made to make me aware of being in the hospital due to COVID-19.  Anyway…thank you for being in my life John L. Peoples. I will never get the chance to tell you that.  Rest in Peace.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Today would have been my mother’s 60th birthday.  It has been a bitter sweet day.  I thought of her the entire day and wondered what we would talk about if I could call her on the phone.  Actually, I think I know what I would have talked about.  I would have just rambled on about my job, school, her sisters, and just everything under the sun.  She would have given me advice that I probably didn’t want to listen to even though it was right.

My mom had her opinions about everything, but most of the time she let me make my own way.  There are bits of guidance that she gave me that still makes me laugh today…such as not messing up my credit or not dating “island men”.  My mom was funny.  She dedicated her life to giving me a good life.  I honestly believe that most of the things that mom did in her adult life was to give me a better one than she had.  I felt that my mom was proud of me when I moved from Wisconsin and got a decent job in Georgia. It’s true that the heart grows fonder when you are apart because coming home to my mom was so special after I moved away.  I loved being with her even though she always did those annoying things that mom’s do, such as make you get up and do things for them when you really don’t want to.  🙂

My mom passed away just 4 months shy of her 50th birthday of Pulmonary Fibrosis and other illnesses related to it.  I loved my mother.  In everything I do, I wonder if she would be happy about it.  I wonder if she would still be proud of the woman that I have become.  I wonder if she would realize how much I am like her and how much she impacted my life.  I wonder if she knew how much I love her.  I didn’t get to say it enough.   I hope you know how much you meant to me. I hope you know how much I miss you and wish that we could talk.  So this post is just for my mom.  Mommy, I love you. Happy Birthday.  I wish you were here with me.