Friendship and Mental Health

Wow!  I have taken such a long break from my blog, but it’s been a crazy and hectic new year so far.  Things have finally quieted down a little and this felt like the perfect moment to do an update.  My life was thrown a pretty big curve ball in January.

If I thought the stress of last summer was getting to me, it was nothing compared to the beginning of this year.  Long story short…my best friend and roommate, the person a consider my sister…attempted suicide.  Depression is a serious thing!  I’ve always known that, but until you have to deal with something like this, you will never know how bad it can be.

I knew she was “a little down” during the holidays.  I put this in parenthesis because it was so much more serious than that.  She had talked to me a little about it and I would try my best to give her encouraging words.  Obviously it didn’t help.  When a person has it in their head that all is lost, there’s not much you can do to defeat the negativity.  Of course, I didn’t know how severe the situation was until January 2nd when the attempt was made.  I thank God everyday that she was unsuccessful and that she came to her right mind to call someone for help!  I don’t really want to go into details, but I’m so happy that she failed in each attempt.

At the time, the house was getting a little overhaul with paint so my mind was also preoccupied with other things.  But all in all, I feel that I missed the signs.  I should have asked more questions and checked in on her more regularly, but we are not your typical roommates.  We don’t spend every day today and sometimes can go days without seeing or speaking.  That was normal.  We both like our space.  So, the only thing that seemed out of the ordinary was how quiet she seemed.  Normally, I could hear her television or music going in her room, but that month of December, it was just quiet.  She just generally seemed disengaged.  Also, she had stopped answering people’s calls.  This isn’t really abnormal for her as she isn’t super attached to her phone, but we were planning a trip for Christmas and the day before…she just wouldn’t answer anyone’s call.  I started asking if she was okay and if she needed anything and she would just say that she was sick.  She had been having stomach issues.  She also said she had the chills or flu like symptoms, which in hindsight I believe the negative thinking and depression had started to produce physical ailments.  I’ve learned so much about depression in these last months and we’ve had to change up a few of our norms.

Now, I have to constantly check in with her.  She was hospitalized for two weeks and now have a therapist and psychiatrist.  I have to check her medications. I’ve tried to incorporate at least one night a week where we can sit down at the dinner table and eat and just generally catch up with things.  I am trying not to be to intrusive and still allow her space…because she has insinuated her need for that BUT I also realize that I can’t give her the space that I once did.  Since I am the person that is around her the most, I feel the most responsible for making sure that she is keeping up with her mental health and utilizing all of the coping mechanisms that she has been taught. It’s still a little stressful because this is a big change.

All I really want to say to everyone who may be dealing with something like this is to be aware.  If your loved one is acting differently and just don’t seem to be engaged in communicating with your or just in life in general.  Ask Questions!  Keep Asking Questions!  Keep checking on them even if it seems over the top.  Get them help even when they tell you they don’t want it.  Take them to the ER even though they may not want to go.  Call for help.  That’s all.

Til next time…….

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Final Life Update (House)

For those who have been following my life updates regarding my house in another state, here is the final installment.  I have finally gotten rid of the trashy tenant. My aunt went to court on my behalf and the tenant showed up as well.  She signed an affidavit with the court that she would be out of the house on Sept. 15th.  If we had no agreed to allow her to do that, we would have had to go back to court at a later date for an official eviction.  I want even go into the stupid eviction laws that allow tenants to stay in your property for such a long time, but anyway she is out.

She actually was not out on the 15th, she was done moving on the 16th which we could have gotten her on violating the affidavit.  When we got to the house on the 16th, she had changed the locks to the security doors and we had to get a locksmith there to open up.  Yes, I have been bleeding money throughout this entire process.   When my aunt got in, that’s when we realized that she had not finished moving out because there was so much stuff still in there. Ironically, she showed up as the locks were being changed and told my aunt that she would have to come back after work to get the rest of her belongings.  My aunt told her to just call her and she would meet her there.  Of course, my aunt was in bed when she called so told her that she would meet her the next day.  The next day, my aunt went there and all of her stuff had been moved out.  THEY BROKE INTO THE HOUSE.  At this point, I’m over it all.  As long as she’s gone, I don’t really care.

So my aunt takes a look at the house and she says it’s really dirty but other than that..it’s ok.  Well I got many pictures and the house was a giant mess. There were even holes in two walls.  I know that I probably got away luckier than some that it wasn’t worse, but it is still bad.  I don’t think they had cleaned the house in years.  They left a stove and refrigerator there that was disgusting and smelled.  The dust in the place was atleast 2″ high on every nook and cranny.  Cobwebs in almost every corner and along the walls.  The house now has roaches which we are presently trying to exterminate. It’s been a big mess.   The tenant that was going to move in has decided not to move in because of the state of the house…so I’m left with carrying the mortgage myself for even longer.

However, I am at a point where I can move on.  Hopefully this is the worst it will ever be.  I will take this as a huge lesson and not letting my heart affect my business sense. I should have thrown her out years ago.  I know that.  I waited to long.  It’s a tough lesson learned, but I know now.  I won’t make the mistake again.

Thank you for following my little dramatic journey.  Hopefully I can now go back to my regularly scheduled programming!

 

Very Nice Birthday

I celebrated my birthday earlier this month.  My favorite thing to do on my special day is to go to the stores and get my free gifts, use birthday gift coupons, and use up points that I have collected from  various stores over the year.  I appreciate companies like Sephora, Ulta, Torrid and Lane Bryant for having programs like this that give their customers a little bonus.  So, this year I got a full sized Clean on Me shower gel and a beautiful Urban Decay eye shadow from Ulta.  I also got a Marc Jacobs eyeliner and lipstick as well as a Stella perfume (I used some of my VIB points on this) from Sephora.  I also used one of the free travel size item coupons at Bath & Body Works to get a Paris Amour shower gel.  From Torrid, I had been looking for a new sports bra and they had two in my size on clearance, so I used my $10 birthday coupon and $10 reward coupon to buy these numbers and only came out of my pocket with $1.  Now, I know that Lane Bryant usually gives a birthday coupon, but I don’t believe I have used that yet.  One of my close friends was coming to visit this month and I had been saving it to go shopping with her, but those plans fell through so I think I better use that quick!

Again…thanks so much to these companies for the birthday treats.  It really does make my day.

Life Drama #2

I decided to write a little update to my original life drama post.  Writing about it is a little therapeutic for me.  If I don’t write, I will be cleaning like a mad person while trying to clear my mind.

So, when we left, my tenant was going to make me actually evict her because she wasn’t leaving.  Well, after speaking to her husband, she came to her senses and agreed to move peacefully but asked if I could give her until August 1st.  I agreed.  I’m not trying to make her life rough, but I’m trying to stop the financial bleeding that I am going to be experiencing once she leaves.  So, the beginning of last week, I reached out to her via text to find out what day she planned on moving.  I already have a new tenant moving in August 1st because we all agreed that she would be gone.  Well, I did not get a response.  On Thursday, I sent another test asking the same and got the response, “Not yet moved out working on it I’ll let you know.”  So this had me a little confused because what is she going to let me know? She has to be out by the 1st.  So I explain that to her and tell her that someone else is moving in on the 1st.  She goes on to tell me that she won’t be gone by the first  as if I’m just supposed to say “ok”.  Now she is inconveniencing not only me, but the person who has already notified her landlord that she was moving!

So of course, this led to another war of words where she tells me that I didn’t handle the situation like a woman and I should have called her to tell her that I wanted her out instead of sending her a typed letter.  People, I have talked to this woman until I am blue in the face about the late payments.  She continued to lie and be rude about the payments.  As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing more to talk about.  So after speaking with many people, I decide to proceed with the eviction process and notify her of that.  Although I had the 15 day notices put on her door, I did not mail it so that could have caused the case to be tossed out.  So I started over and sent her a 5 day notice, certified.   After a week goes by, I can take the notice to the sheriff’s office along with $130 to begin proceedings.

Well after I sent her the text notifying her that I was proceeding and giving my power of attorney to somewhere in the state so that I don’t have to take time off work, she calls me (I don’t answer because I have nothing more to say) and leaves me a lengthy, teary message on how she lost her job and she has no money.  Her kids won’t help her out.  Now, these grown up kids live with her rent free but supposedly now that she’s in a bind, they are all moving into their own places and she can’t go with! Ummmm…………

Honestly, I feel bad for her situation BUT I cannot afford to let her continue to live there for free!  She fails to understand my issue with her staying there and not paying me.  She has options that she is not using.  There are plenty of people who lose their jobs and have to make sacrifices and swallow their pride and ask for help from people that they may not want to.  In my opinion, she has burned so many bridges with people by her crap attitude and lies that no one wants to get involved.  But I know she has family and friends.  She needs to humbly go to them.  I WON’T stop the eviction.  I can’t.  At this point, I’m already $4500 in the hole which she fails to get through her thick skull.

Anyways, the saga continues.  I just want the toxicity of this person and this situation to go away.  Its truly ruining my normally peaceful existence.

Bye for now…..

 

 

Holiday Cheer. Day 2

Every year around this time in Town Center mall, we shoppers are treated to kids doing their piano recitals.  Yesterday, I actually sat down while eating a soft pretzel and listened to about four kids do their mini concert.  This year was the first time I saw a sign for it.  They called it to pianothon.  It was nice to see and hear.  It was the perfect opportunity to relax during the hectic shopping season. #holidaycheer

Hello!

I took a little break from my blog this past month just because I was in a bit of a winter funk.  As I have mentioned before, the cold weather always puts me in down mood so I really didn’t feel like doing much.  Well, I did do some shopping so I have a ton of things to share in upcoming posts.  I’m excited to say that I’m back now and will hopefully get back to my weekly posts of sharing my product hoarding habits with you all.  I will talk to you all later this week.

Love this blogging thing!

When I started this blog many years ago, I did not write a lot on it. I have always enjoyed writing (well at least on topics that is not for school). I was one of those people that always kept a diary and wrote in it frequently, almost daily.  It’s always been a blog of my personal thoughts and feelings.  In January, one of my goals was to write regularly and this is one of the goals I have managed to keep and LOVE.  It has been a joy to do updates once or twice a week.  One day, I hope to have much more to write about and have the ability to write about it well!  Sometimes, I have ideas of something that I would like to talk about but I just feel that it will not come across well, so I pass that post up.   I absolutely love blogging about fashion, beauty, and just every day life.  So, thank you to all of the readers who have subscribed and gotten some enjoyment out of reading or viewing my posts.  Whatever the reason is that have caused it to be somewhat entertaining to you, I hope that I am able to continue on that path.

Thank you, and I will talk to you all soon!