****Random Thoughts****

After my mother passed away in 2004, I was so down that I just felt numb.  I remember thinking at that time that I no longer cared what happened to me.  My exact thoughts were “I could die tomorrow and I wouldn’t care.”  I was numb to everything.  It felt as if I were in a black hole and everything just was constantly swirling.  My mind was swirling, my body even felt like it was moving in circles when I would lay down.

I had issues with feeling depressed before my mother passed away.  I had even been temporarily put on medication.  The reasons for my issues were always that I just didn’t feel happy.

About a month after I was put on anti-depressants, I went home to my mom and she asked why I was depressed.  At the time, I probably told her that I didn’t know.  I knew why I was.  It’s the reason that I feel a lot of people are.  Failure.  I preface this next information with I knew my mother was very sick and I knew that my mother was going to pass away at some point sooner than later.  After I told my mother about the antidepressants,  my mother looked me in the eye and said “Sharon, I have a terminal illness.  I’m going to die.  I’m on anti-depressants. ”  This was her way of pretty much telling me that I should not feel bad about my life.  I’m sure she said more, but this was the main part that I remembered.

My point in writing this down is pretty much to remind myself that there will be better days.  I have a lifetime ahead of me (hopefully).  I have time to change the things that I’m not happy with and I just have to stay patient and keep powering through.

I’m not on medication.  I still have down days and times where I just feel worthless and as if nothing will ever go my way.  When I’m feeling like this, I always think of my mom and her words to me.  So I take a break, gather my thoughts, take a deep breath and prepare for tomorrow.

Til next time…….